“Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit; sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.”
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Gretchen Schmidt, entry in San Jose State University’s bad writing contest, 1989 - Current world champion (nominations invited).
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"The point of good writing is knowing when to stop."
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L.M. Montgomery, author
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How to Write Good
"No sentence fragments.
It behooves us to avoid archaisms.
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
Don't use no double negatives.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, 'Resist
hyperbole.'
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Writing carefully, dangling participles should not be used.
Kill all exclamation points!!!Never use a long word with a diminutive
one will do.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Take the bull by the hand and don't mix metaphors.
Don't verb nouns.
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague."
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William Safire, US author and columnist
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